Dave Daubenmire

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Dave Daubenmire is a washed up high school football coach who was fired from his oh-so-prestigious job and sued by the ACLU in the 90s. For what, you ask? Well, this professional stupid person was, quite unconstitutionally, mixing prayer with his coaching style.

Not understanding the unconstitutionality of his actions, despite the ACLU lawsuit, his lack of common sense – and his ability to cherry pick the Bill of Rights in the same way he cherry picks the bible – Daubenmire still can’t bring himself to admit wrongdoing.

Career

According to Daubenmire’s website, he is a victim of all of the rampant, and nonexistent, Christian persecution in America. After being disgraced as a completely unimportant high school football coach (which, let’s point out, wouldn’t have happened had he simply gone to coach at a Christian school), Daubenmire created Pass the Salt Ministries: a YouTube channel (on which he sits in front of a green screen onto which images of football fields are projected) that promotes his ignorant worldview. Merchandise may also be purchased from his website including, for example, the charming “Protect the Flock with a Glock” t-shirt.

Likes and dislikes

“Coach” Dave likes:

  • Guns
  • Jesus
  • Hate speech
  • Misogyny
  • Conspiracy theories
  • Racism

“Coach” Dave dislikes:

  • Science
  • Education
  • Common sense
  • LGBTQ people
  • Abortions
  • Jews
  • Interracial marriage

Greatest hits

Here is a non-exhaustive list of Dave Daubenmire’s most wonderfully horrible (and incorrect) opinions:

  • Masturbation means you’re gay
  • Abortion is the same as the holocaust
  • Women teachers train boys to be too sensitive and girls to not act like ladies (whatever that means)
  • Stephen Hawking is in the hell he didn’t believe in
  • No Christians voted for Barack Obama; he even used the term “phony black Christians”
  • The King James Bible is the translation for sissies
  • Jews and single mothers are infiltrating the conservative movement
  • Millions of people watch his YouTube program