Tucker Carlson

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Tucker Swanson McNear Carlson, a man with a record-breaking four last names, is a Fox News host whose moral compass is only slightly less broken than that of Bill O'Reilly - which is why he took over the time slot for the O'Reilly Factor when Bill was exposed as a rapey piece of garbage. Carlson hasn't been exposed as a rapey piece of garbage yet, but there is still hope for him. Honored with the prestige of Fox News' number one primetime slot, he is an ambassador for the network's ideology by defending far-right conspiracy theorists, hating women, and having an all-around smug little rat face.

Fox News

Tucker Carlson was hired as a contributor to Fox News back in 2009. In 2016, he was awarded a mediocre time slot for his show, Tucker Carlson Tonight. Eventually, after the firing of Bill O’Reilly, he was given a less mediocre time slot – though all time slots on Fox News are mediocre and irrelevant.

Professional stupidity

Carlson is particularly qualified to host a show on Fox News thanks to his candor when expressing stupid ideas. He is paid handsomely for perpetuating the stupidity peddled on the network. Here are some of his stupid opinions:

  • He does not believe that climate change is a thing even though it has been proven by scientists.
  • He thinks that he is an intellectual though working for Fox News negates this.
  • He thinks that aborting an embryo is more “horrible and cruel” than forcing a living, breathing human woman to have a baby that she is not prepared to have.
  • He believes that systemic racism doesn’t exist.
  • He thinks that seatbelts are bad.
  • He thinks that smoking in enclosed public spaces is good.
  • He wants people of color to never, ever move to the United States because they somehow “make society volatile”.
  • He has a total boner for Donald Trump.